Hi ((Trapped&Miserable)), welcome to PC and the PTSD forum. Well, your name says a lot because one of the things that can trigger someone who struggles with complex PTSD is that "trapped" feeling but also not "feeling safe" too. You have certainly faced the challenge in your history with feeling "unsafe" and experiencing health challenges can be traumatic for a person and that isn't really talked about very much when it comes to ptsd. A lot of people fail to recognize that when it comes to experiencing vision challenges that it really is so much more challenging and yes, there can be unexpected falls due to the challenge with "distance perception" that one experiences with challenged eyesight as well as experience the world around them in a different way too.
People who have good eye sight often don't realize how stressful it can be to a person who needs special glasses to see and for some reason can't find their glasses and how they will even panic and feel unsafe without their glasses. Not only that but there tends to be a negative stigma that comes with eyesight challenges too. So, with eyesight challenges often there is a challenged sense of safety that people who don't have the challenge often fail to understand. I am happy to know that the surgery you had helped you see better, I am sure having the surgery was really scary as you were really taking a chance on something extremely significant to your personal sense of safety.

From what you have shared here, I can see that even though you were faced with significant challenges that made it harder for you to thrive, you did try very hard to learn whatever you could to thrive and that is worthy of respect and you probably don't get the kind of respect you really deserve either and unfortunately that happens to a lot of people. From the time we are young we tend to be expected to maintain "the grade and doing well" and embracing this "I am a star at" mindset. Children tend to hear "good job" whenever they learn something or get something right too. Perhaps that really needs to be rethought where one says, "good for you" and more focus should be emphasized on not what a child failed to understand or achieve but instead what each child "did" achieve. We "do" create stress in our children where our children develop fears of not getting everything correct. It not surprising that so many end up struggling with "depression or anxiety" in that instead of learning to actually "enjoy" whatever one does right, most children develop a genuine fear of getting something wrong. And because we teach this way our children begin to focus too much on whatever other children don't do as well or fit into whatever is considered "correct".

IMHO, true "intelligence" is when a person does well and figures out how to thrive despite having some kind of challenge. I raised a child that struggled with a learning disability and because I learned about how she struggled and why, I have to say I was often completely amazed at how my child learned to work around her challenge. However, she did face being challenged by her piers for needing to have help and special ed classes. Unfortunately, children can be "mean" however this is due to how children are taught to think that another child that might have a challenge is "not good enough" and should be shunned. Unfortunately, without our realizing it, we as a society actually bake this into how we have been raising our children along with a lot of the messages they receive. Unfortunately, we tend to send too many messages to our children about the "ideal of perfection". Without even realizing it we glorify the "getting something perfect" so much that it's no wonder we end up having so many problems with drugs designed to help us not "feel bad or depressed or anxious or stressed and unsafe".

You live in California? Well, that is one of the most expensive states to live in and because of the temperature that is comfortable to live with pretty much all year round, your State happens to be a destination for many to go and live that can't, for some reason "thrive" and are homeless. My daughter worked for a company that who's main office is in San Francisco and when she flew out there the one thing she talked about was how there were so many homeless people and also how incredibly expensive everything is out there compared to where she grew up. There are so many homeless that in parts of that state there is a huge problem with homelessness, and garbage in the streets as well as feces and needles. It's pretty shocking for someone to see when they come from a place where they don't see that extreme, an extreme where there is not enough funds to handle the huge challenge that exists there where "affordable housing" is in extreme short supply compared to other states. It's gotten so crowded and expensive that many are moving their businesses to Texas and Texas is heading towards becoming the next California.

I am sorry that the therapist you went to see tends to present you with a "man up" approach. That doesn't work well for individuals who struggle with complex ptsd. However, it doesn't surprise me that therapists out that way would become somewhat hardened. I think you will need to work on finding your way towards understanding this better so you don't end up getting worse and I know that is a challenge when struggling with complex ptsd. It's important that you make sure you work on recognizing how well you have thrived despite having some significant challenges. I know first hand how hard that can be, but self caring is very important when it comes to working on gaining in your effort to continue to thrive despite of challenges.