I need someone to talk to who doesn't know me personally.
I have been considering suicide I have lost everything in my life that mattered to me.
August 18th of last year I came home from work to a note my wife had left me. It sais she was fine and the kids were fine and she couldn't keep living like this.
I had no idea what she meant, I was very happy and I thought her and the kids were too.
I have a good job, make good money and we never fought or argued. MY family was my whole life.
Well a couple weeks later she moved into a duplex and a couple weeks later I called her and a guy answered the phone.
I found out it was a guy whos kid she had babysat for for a year or so.
Well our divorce was finalized November of last year and the week before she moved in with the guy only after 2 1/2 weeks of being seperated.
I had a friend of hers tell me she had been seeing the guy for almost six months.
I miss my wife more then anything in this world, now I hear she is engaged to the guy.
I go to bed at night and I still tell my wife good night and that I love her.
I dream about her and have dreams I am chasing her begging her to come home
I wake up in the middle of the night and cant sleep because I keep thinking of her
I am drinking way too much, usually 6 times a week sometimes 7.
If I am sober I just sit and cry and think of her.
I can't talk to my friends, they are all drunks and all of them tell me I am better off without her.
I went to talk to a psychiatrist and it was just too expensive.
I just started to take Chantix to quit smoking, I dont know if it can cause depression but since taking it I have been really bad.
So here are my options, I can either sit here and continue to go through night after night of pain and crying and missing her, or I can just end this.
I dont want to start over I dont want to date and try to meet new women, and I can't be happy when I am constantly thinking of her.
I still love her and I still want to grow old with her. I dont understand what the other guy has to offer that I do not.