Maybe you're afraid of true intimacy and of allowing yourself to really feel real feelings and be close to someone or even somewhat dependent on them emotionally? I can't begin to play therapist so I won't but those are the first thoughts that come to mind. And yes, it does seem to be a bit of control and dominance on your part. You may not want to hear that and you may protest and get defensive, but why else would you play on their emotions in this way unless it was to be in control of the relationship? They choose you, you don't choose them. You tell them what's wrong with them and then push them away. You play the independent one who doesn't need them. That does sound like control to me. My guess is you are afraid to truly get close to someone and to be vulnerable with them. Perhaps you were hurt in childhood relationships and this is how it is playing out. I am just guessing based on my knowledge of psychology.

That being said, I could be off based, and I applaud you for all your personal insights! It takes guts and courage to look at oneself in this way!!