I feel sad on your behalf, but if you don't have any friends you have to start building friendships. Sorry, I'm not trying to give you a lesson, just trying to present the hard truth: One may have to work hard to get friends in the real world.

I know this was NOT what you wanted to hear, but there is no other way (many of us has had to swallow that pill when we were younger, it's hard).

I recommend that you find a therapist to talk to at first. Then look at your interests. Do you have any or do you have to build up your interests as well. Take some time to think it over and then pick an interest that it would be OK to share with others, like swimming, if that is possible with your handicap, chess or something else. From such or other interests, it is possible to start building relationship. Teach yourself small-talk. Amazon has a book about that.

I know this is not what you wanted, but there is no quick way to build friendships. Be careful, some of us have had the experience that when we told about hurts form our past, people withdrew. I'm mentioning this not scare you, but to give you some facts about that it is not easy to be a surviver. When people haven't experienced what you have, such "things" might scare them and make them withdraw from you.

Make friends to share interests with and find somebody else to seek support from. You mentioned a church. If you believe in God, that may be an idea. Find a priest or deacon or somebody else that will keep your secret and be able to be there for you if you are in a crisis.

I send my best hopes for you! Please be realistic and start in the right end!

PS. People who either get paid for talking with you or volunteers, may be OK and respectful people. Please don't honor them with disrespect! Real friends do not grow on trees ....