Hi hereiam,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. I have experienced several similar thoughts and feelings as well when I recently came into another severe depression after five years. I didn't talk to anyone because I felt I was a burden and spent much of the past year being angry at myself for sinking into another depression. But in my attempts to get better, I constantly remind myself that my depression is part of who I am, part of what makes me me. I can't necessarily control it, but I can learn to live with day by day as my life ebbs and flows. So far the mantra is helping a bit at least to get me out of bed in the morning. I also realized part of my depression was caused by my refusal to talk to anyone, a vicious cycle really, so I am working on overcoming that part. And part of that has been finding someone to tell when I am having a rough time and asking them to just sit with me. Human presence and energy from other people give me one more ounce of energy to keep going.

This probably isn't much help but know that you are not alone in your current feelings.

Sending positive energy your way,
PaddlerKD