Today, I basically talked to T about my social anxiety and told him what was going on. I talked about how my H gets stressed when I get "crazy". I take days off because it becomes way too much for me and I need a break to slow my system down. I don't want to feel ashamed of myself or humiliated, but I feel that way. I don't want to stress out H, but it happens. I want to be normal. I feel like I am so angry at all of this. I feel out of control, like how do I handle this expertly?

I felt disconnected from T today for some reason. The session went quickly and almost seems like a blur. I asked for an extra session to help me through all of this. So I see him next Tues. and Wed.

Until then, I am going to employ some kind of strategy to help me through. What? I dont' know. 1) The stay in my room at work strategy.

I don't know if T or anyone knows how painful and terrifying this is because words don't do it justice. I am so angry at this that I am going to get through this just out of spite. I don't care how it is done, even if I have to learn not to care what others think of me. I have some research to do on not caring I guess.