"If your husband blames you for all of these things, then let him. Does it not say more about him? How does his belief that it is your fault make it true? Does that matter? Why? (other than that urgency for fairness) <font color="green"> Yes fairness is a good word </font> These are things to ask yourself.. when something hits us deeply it often means there is a lot of history which builds to it... that can mean your own history or simply the marriage history. <font color="green"> The marriage history. I didn't have these problems or feelings before him. </font> My guess is that you have felt short changed, unfairly blamed, and without due credit for longer than this process... yes? Is it a theme from day 1? <font color="green"> yes and not day one but it started at the end of our first year. Before that time, the therapists have explained that he was in a "honeymoon phase" where his depression was distracted by the newness of marriage </font> Does it also feed into other experiences? Is this a pattern you take with you elsewhere? <font color="green"> no, I don't have these problems in any other area of life. Work is great. Social life is great. Mothering is great. Only my relationship with my husband is messed up. </font> Also, self questions."