Sorry if this is long but I don't have anyone in my real life I can talk to - only my therapist but I am starting to hold back for fear of being committed again.

I've been on all sorts of meds since I was 14 (I am 26 now) but nothing works. My last psychiatrist had me try all sorts of things (combination of antidepressants and mood stabilizers) for like 2 years ... then the last few sessions she just seemed stumped at how to help me. Like I was a lost cause.

I ended up trying to OD in November and was (voluntarily) inpatient. The hospital didn't help at all and a week later I still sounded so depressed that my psychiatrist called the police. THAT hospital was even worse, and when I got out I switched to a new psychiatrist who was even less helpful than the one who had me committed.

I'm in therapy and also going to yet another new psychiatrist at the end of this month, but I realize that I don't have much hope for ever getting better and want to cancel my appointment.

Every resource for what to do when you're suicidal says to get a therapist / go on meds/ whatever ... but nothing is helping. They also say to 'call a friend' but I don't really have friends at this point in my life.

My therapist is really nice and has seemed helpful in the past, but I noticed in the last session that she was really, like, struggling to think of ways to help me because my life has no meaning and nothing makes me happy anymore. Again, I feel like a lost cause.

Despite my best efforts to find something resembling spirituality - I just don't believe in anything and I can't change that. Life is getting worse every day and I don't know how to convince myself that any of this is worth it...