McKell your post is filled with the tone of understanding. Of validation. That is ALL I need right now from my husband to move forward. It's not so much really. Yet he is unwilling to give it...just like so many other things he is unwilling to give.

As for my kids, I have been on top of their reverb in all this from the start. They went to therapy already. We talk alot. My relationship with the kids is very strong. It is something I have been fierce about because I didnt want them to feel as badly inside as I did. I knew that his behaviors would affect them if I didn't get in between the situation. So they are good. They are healthy. They cope much better than I do lately. But I think that is due alot to the fact that I suck up the slack. I take "it" so they don't have to.

As for the fallout info. I have always separated the disease from the man. It is something I have always used, even yesterday, when discussing it in therapy. That it is the depression that is causing our problems, not him personally. I emphatically expressed that idea. I think though, that I have definitely reached stage 5. Im just so tired of spinning my wheels with him. I have no patience or understanding left for him since he is so beligerant with the "worldview" that his depression is not a problem for anyone but himself.

I just want one shred of validation. One moment of appreciation for what I have been through. From him. From anyone else, its just words. He is the one who it needs to come from because he is the one who doesn't think it is necessary.

Today I have been thinking so much about what I want. And really, that is all it would take to restore some semblance of respect for him. It's not wrong for me to want to put myself first for once. I have needs too. I have done without for so long. It is just so sad.