Ugh. Yes. I'm truly sorry if this happened to you.

I was planning on going down there to stay temporarily, and it annoys me that he knew I was making plans around this, and he encouraged it. I know there were more women because I suspected others. I only chose to reach out to this one. It's not like his patterns are super covert, now that I know what they look like, so looking back, I can see he lied to me all along.

In my T's office I said what was the point? I'm so far away that, if he truly hated me, if I was so terrible to deal with like he indicated at the end I was, why not just leave me? It's not like I'm going to drive 10 hours to bang on his door, it's not like I didn't ask him for the truth even before we began. She said, because he felt like by being with me, the fragile girl with BPD, he was helping me. And because it feeds his ego to have women want him. I don't know if I've already talked about that; I'm getting so exhausted.

I don't consider myself a fragile girl (woman; I'm 39) with BPD, at least, I wasn't going into this. But I became someone I wasn't proud of, subject to his manipulation, and extremely depressed. But it was so insidious that I didn't recognize what was happening to me. I just thought that it was winter, so I was depressed. Now that I haven't spoken to him in days, I actually feel happier in spite of circumstances.