My boyfriend has been hospitalized for pneumonia 3 times in the last three months. The second time it was discovered that he probably has lung cancer. The third time I took a bunch of flack from a doctor at the VA hospital. They're getting tired of him showing up in the emergency room very sick.

Now the VA wants me to make him a "hospice patient." They say that will mean his problems can be handled at home and he won't need to go to the hospital so much. Here's my question: If he doesn't need to be in the hospital so much, how come they keep admitting him when I bring him to the ER? I must be a pretty good judge of when someone should be taken to an emergency room.

To me this is a bunch of double talk.

If my bf were a hospice patient, then I guess I wouldn't be able to bring him to the ER, without authorization from the hospice nurse. I guess the VA figures the hospice nurse would withhold authorization, and they wouldn't have to deal with us. To my mind, there is something fishy going on.

I put so much effort into being caregiver to my bf. Most of the time, he's comfortable and content. So I think I'm doing a good job. Now the VA is spooking me with all this stuff about how I need to hook up with hospice and stay away from the hospital.

I am demoralized by all this weird feedback I'm getting. Tonight I'm so discouraged and depressed. He gets more debilitated as time goes on. Caring for him gets tougher and tougher. On top of that, the VA seems to be telling me I'm not handling things well.

Maybe others who've had hospice for a loved one can tell me how that worked for them.

I feel like the VA has harrassed me during a difficult time. I was not expecting this.