Quote:
Originally Posted by sans
Hi Graystreet,
Hopefully you can move past this by keeping busy with things to make your life a pleasant and peaceful experience. My advice is stay away from social media in regards to looking at profiles and trying to follow up on things.
I’m convinced my life would have moved in a better direction if I hadn’t felt the need to know how my ex’s life was progressing without me in it. I finally deleted my fb permanently just because I couldn’t trust myself not to get on there and start searching for evidence of his regret. It wasn’t there. It only made me loathe myself for being so pathetic. And created many problems for me over the years. It causes depression and generally makes moving on impossible. Nip it in the bud, and don’t look back. There’s someone out there who will treat you with love and respect. Don’t lose anymore of your life on someone who isn’t capable of those basic things.
Be patient with yourself and in time, you’ll be stronger and happier
Sans
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Oh, I've deleted my Facebook. He's not on there at all, and he's blocked me at this point anyway. I have a second one for online dating from which I can see him, but at this point he's locked it down pretty tightly.
My entire purpose of going back on Wednesday is because of that nagging, gnawing feeling I've had that there was something I was missing. You know? Like there was a gap in my knowledge. I had it when we were talking in 2016, I had it since this fall when we started talking as well. And I decided I was fed up, and going to find it for myself, even if I looked crazy to some woman; I'm never going to see him again, she doesn't know me, I'm never going to be in Tennessee again, god willing. And hey...it was only a few clicks on the first woman I suspected, a new one this time, and one message. That's all it took.
Filling that gap probably made things hurt more, but you know? I see things clearer. If I want to try this again (probably not), I'm armed with more knowledge, and I know that this was abuse, not a result of me being a crazy person people have to put up with and no one can deal with, as he made me believe for a very long time. Years. It doesn't mean I don't sit here right now and wrestle with that part of my brain telling me I'm stupid, but it's only been a few days, and I do think I'm winning. I am pretty sure I am not going to spiral, won't want to die over this, and that I'll be okay and come out stronger, which is a
triumph for me, when this is the worst relational thing that has ever happened to me. Every other bad break up, I've spiraled and ended up in a very dark place.
Not to mention that filling the gap in my knowledge of him sleeping with multiple other women (I only have concrete proof of one, but I'm 100% sure) is practical and responsible for me and my health. Since I believed him all the times he told me I was the only one, and I believed him when he told me he wanted me to come down there long term, I got an IUD (for other reasons besides him though; it was just time). So there were no condoms involved between us. I don't want to take chances with my health, not when I don't know anything about these other women, and who else they may be sleeping with. He basically exposed me to the entire divorcee dating pool of East Tennessee, for all I know.
I appreciate all of the messages.
It's helping so much to have support, even from people I don't know. It's going to be a process, I know, and I may be annoying sometimes and circle the thought-drain a little bit. But I'll be okay.