When I started marriage counseling, my husband was the problem. How I wished that she would have said, "I see what you have to put up with!" She didn't. But over time, she listened to our specific issues and helped us see each other's view.

If the therapist validates your saying that your husband or his depression are the problem, it's likely that he'll never come back. It sounds like the therapist wanted to let you both know who's in charge. That creates a safe place for both of you.

Do you have a personal therapist? That would be the person who could give you the validation you crave.

Marriage counseling sometimes goes a roundabout way to get to the core issues. You can't deal with the whole ball of wax at once. You have to dig away at the smaller issues. It's a slow process; it takes time. But the rewards are great.

Someday you might be able to tell your husband, "I always thought that your depression was what was wrong with us." And after the trust has been restored, he might be able to hear you.