Hello ashesforever: I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I was also a target of bullies for the better part of 4 years, many years ago now, when I was in high school. And I can tell you, from personal experience, you never do get over it completely. At least I never have. You didn't mention if you're seeing a therapist. If not, I'd like to strongly encourage you to do so.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to some articles on the subject of social anxiety, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/a...rder-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/a...der-treatment/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/socia...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/6-ways-...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways...ocial-anxiety/

And then, also, here's a link to an article with regard to low self-esteem:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do...ly-affect-you/

One forum, here on PC, you may want to check out (assuming you haven't already found it) is the anxiety, panic & phobias forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/anxiety-panic-phobias/

But then there are, of course, a lot more too.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!