You must have planned an intense session, because you seemed hyper-focused when we said hello . My head is spinning ,and even my heartbeat seems off-kilter with adrenaline. After session, I brought mail to the bank instead of the post office - flustered. You have been babying me- but not today . It is paradoxical to dive so deeply into dark emotions, and yet keep in mind those emotions are never to be about one another. You brought up the topic that people who have affairs lose trust in others because they then know themselves not to be trustworthy. From where did that comment stem? Affairs are not part of my therapy. I said that affairs could be also boundaried spaces, and you had a moment of tears in your eyes. What was going on there? You once a long time ago explained how our relationship and all therapy relationships are artificial. My feelings are often real though. I'm confused if I can sustain this level of intimacy and being seen by you, with a lack of all real world feeling for you. I focus on my BF, and use all my imagination to stay in bounds of what and howI think you wantmeto feel. That you are a doctor treating patient- no more and no less. Today was messy though- I dont think it was me? We went ten minutes over for maybe the second time ,but you didn't slowdown the emotion,and I went out the old wooden doors of your building to the bright snowy streets kind of stunned like a bird who hits a window. In the end, your voice means so much to me in my life right now; does mine mean anything to you?