</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
tautologic said:
He had D way before I met him. He brought it into our marriage and it has caused problems. Until he can accept that, we have no future peace.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">In a way, it sounds like you have "drawn your line in the sand." You sound very firm on this. If your husband is equally firm that he will not say what you want to hear, then it sounds to me like there is no hope for the marriage. Sorry if that sounds negative, but it is what I hear in your words. If two people have their clear and firm boundaries and both are not willing to bend, what is there to do? It sounds to me like your stance is so strong, it may overcome those 3 reasons you listed for staying in the marriage. I guess it is good to know ourselves well enough to know what we will tolerate. It is sounding from your posts that you are done with this marriage unless your husband does X, and he is not willing to do X, so what is the conclusion? That marriage is over?

In my couples counseling, there was one thing that was really important for me to "get" from my husband during our sessions (which were focused on uncoupling since we had decided to get a divorce). I shared this with the therapist in an individual session and he did his best to get what I needed for me. It didn't affect the process. I love him for doing his best, subtly, to get that for me. It really helped me heal.

Can you share this "must have" with your therapist individually and get his spin on it? Maybe this "must have" is not compatible with the marriage. Maybe it is. Maybe your T can help facilitate it. Maybe he can't. Maybe he can reframe things for you so that you can see another way. Maybe he can't.

Good luck.