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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
I’ve done two of these tests now including the one you’ve posted, and got INFJ both times which is interesting.
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INFJ here too
Do you agree with it, or is it "interesting" in another way?
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
I think because I tend to think quiet abstractly and am very absorbed in my inner world, it has made the psychosis more able to take hold. My cpn and psychologist have both commented on how I don’t fight the thoughts, I just accept them as reality. This makes it harder to determine what is real and what is not I think.
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Yes, I've wondered that too. I said something similar in my reply ^^ to DT.
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
I’m also very introverted and quiet. When unwell I tend to just turn in on myself internally and become even more quiet. In my last hospital admission things actually became a bit more outward and I expressed myself more and tried to show people what was happening. I think this might be why the psychiatrist called me ‘disturbed’. In previous admissions the other patients have told me they thought I had depression, cos I didn’t let anything out. But I’ve been told I need to let people know how I’m feeling, and last time i think it helped a bit to let it out. Not that it was a massively conscious decision, but I think part of me recognised that holding it in makes it worse.
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People assume, if they know I have some kind of MI diagnosis, that I have mild anxiety and/or depression. I think because I retreat even more inside when I'm struggling. But also, I feel like I have this social chameleon ability where I meet people's expectations. I still question this even now, but when I first starting talking to Drs about my low mood, I used to present as I do when I'm out IRL (like have a getting-things-done persona, similar to my medstudent persona), and they kept dismissing me because I looked perfectly fine. So then I started showing them the depressed persona, and they started agreeing that I was depressed, severely so.
I'm not talking about different personalities, but different sides to me. All of the faces that I show to the world are me, but it's like most people don't understand this - I have to pick one side that's me and then the rest are pretending, which isn't how I feel about it at all. But then, I wonder if I really was putting on the 'depressed' side because it did feel like a face that I'd put on for my appts, or was it that I took off the got-it-all-together face that I usually wear??! I don't know, but nobody I speak to IRL really gets that side of me. It's like they have this black and white idea of who they and others are, whereas I have so many facets that I can show or not show, sort of at will.
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
I have been told that by some people that it’s obvious when I’m unwell, but I think that’s people that know me or are trained to see it. I think this has made it easier for ‘professionals’ like psychiatrists to see that I’m struggling, cos I can’t completely hide it, though I try to. I’ve been told my face looks like a ‘mask’ and my behaviour completely changes.
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I'd say that 95% of the time, no one can tell anything, especially not strangers. I honestly don't understand why the staff in this city now believe me because I have not changed my behaviour. Do you think this has changed for you and that's why these people believe you versus the ones who misdiagnosed you?
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
I think my personality has made it harder to accept the diagnoses I’ve been given, because like you willow, I’ve never met anyone with sz who’s like me. Certainly not in hospital anyway. I met someone as a member of staff who I thought wow, I’m a bit like that, which was weird. It doesn’t help that part of my personality, when I’m feeling vulnerable I compare myself to others to try and understand what I’m struggling with too. So when no one seems to behave like you, it’s difficult.
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Yes, exactly! How can I have sz when I am sooooo completely different to everyone else with it, to the point where it's like the Spanish Inquisition because they do not believe that I have been diagnosed with it and they're trying to figure out how it happened?!! That's why I stopped going to my Hearing Voices group. And, even if I find someone with a similar experience, like on here, I cope with it in a way very different to others. Eg I've never met anyone who can keep 10% in control whilst the other 90% is completely freaking out, like I wrote about in Roll Call about what happened at my last choir concert. And so I frequently get the crap that it must be 'mild' for me to be able to cope with it without meds, and I don't think that's true
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
Interesting question, thanks for posting  |
Thank you, Justme. I'm glad that you, and others, find it interesting. I have so many things whirring around my head that I think are interesting, but no one IRL who wants to talk about those things. Usually I get a weird look along the lines of 'what on earth are you thinking about that for?!'
*Willow*