I've been self-injuring for years. Some of the things I do to self injure have been ongoing, and some of them I just do sporadically. Lately, I have been having thoughts of more extreme ways to self-injure. I am somewhat terrified.

I want to hurt, really, really hurt. I want to tear myself to pieces.

Most of all I just want to be whole, fixed, something more than this, and that seems beyond reach.

I don't know what to do. I am being consumed by this...it is getting bigger than I can handle.