My mum was feeling reflective on the anniversary of my grannies passing.
She said that did I know that my father didn't even come to see me being born at Spynie. He was sat at home. This strikes me as true. I didn't tell my mum that when I grandfather passed in 2012, I did some snooping . I found a letter from my agoraphobic Uncle that I didn't meet. He wrote that my father must have been so disappointed when he found out that my my mum and him were having a girl.
It made perfect sense. My father would buy me chemistry sets. The only books he had in his house were maths problems.
He would moan that I wasn't active enough. He would make half the puzzles he bought.
When I abandoned science, knowing I wouldn't thrive in areas like engineering, law, medicine etc. He went on about girls being able to learn trades at technical college. I chose to be creative. I just wasnt a practical person.My father would moan when I made the tea and coffee because I would leave drips on the kitchen counter. The army abandoned him but he never left the army in his mind.
. I know that many students fail at uni when they realise that logical degrees actually require creativity. Like many computer design courses.
I was feminine, I may have been a little tomboy ish in behaviour but I was a girl through and through.
He would say I should take friends to meet him. But I was embarrassed as he didn't work and his hair was nicotine stained.
He got a full time job as a welder . A man that worked with him said that he wouldn't have went back to.work if I hadn't encouraged him. My dad mentioned how he was now paying my mum maintenance but my mum still wasn't giving me pocket money. I ate the bait. It was too late anyway. I had a part time job at my gym.

When recovering from.my breakdown, I decided I needed to get away from my hometown and I entertained the idea of joining one of armed forces. Someone said that they I didn't seem the type to carry a gun. I guess I was a bit of a hippy at heart. I had my own mind and I wansnt great at being told what to do in all fairness. I didn't like breaking a nail doing my martial arts ! I would paint my nails bright colours. I liked my own space. Come to think of it I didn't like being alone, I just needed my creat I've outlet to cope with life as it was complicated.
My Aunt told me to keep doing my Art as a young teen when my mum refused point blank to answer my valid questions when I and everyone knew I was right.