i went to visit my brother at his new college yesterday. we met at a store and then we were going to go out to lunch. he brought his new girlfriend with because he wanted me to be the first in the family to meet her. i thought that it was nice of him to think of me as part of the family. but his girlfriend brought all her stupid friends with. when we went to lunch my brother went to the bathroom and they started asking me all these stupid questions like we were in middle school or something. they brought up guys...it was fine and everything but they had to bring me into the stupid conversation. my brother came back and he heard them. he knows about my past abuse and tried to get them to stop bugging me. but his girlfriend is stupid and immature and she "insisted" that they kept up the conversation. they started to almost taunt me saying things like...aaww is she still a virgin....well since she wont talk about it she must be....or she's just a ***** and it would take to much time to explain it all....we just want to know about your first time. seriously what kind of losers would want to know such personal information. my first time i was raped and plenty of times after that too. i just wanted to scream. i told my brother that he should never bring his stupid girlfriend to the rest of the family. i wanted to say something much worse but i didnt. i went home and cried like a little baby all night. i feel so weak now. i couldnt hold myself while they were taunting me. i feel useless. sometimes i feel like a good person...but after that i feel like a failure.
i hate myself for letting them say those things and bring up so many memories. now i cant stop thinking...its like my past is becoming my present.