<font color="purple"> I know everyone develops emotionaly at their own rate and all...but it's frustrating that I'll be 17 six months from now or so, and I've never had a crush or anything! Meanwhile, everyone I know has been dating other people for years now. Anything that I get that even resembles some kind of crush (which is really just a crapload of friendship/family-like attatchment) is pretty much my guy friends, and they all have girlfriends anyways, so even if I did feel any feelings it wouldn't matter anyways!

I feel like I'm at least four years behind everyone else when it comes to the emotional department, which is kind of ironic because in the mental department I've always been pretty advanced (okay...minus the fact that I like things that people say that I'm too old for like Pokemon).

I guess my biggest "fear" about this issue is that by the time that I'm actualy READY, everyone will be alot more expirienced and I'll just be to shy/foolish/silly and just have it end up in rejectment. (Gee, isn't that what EVERYTHING seems to boil down to with me, huh?)

I feel like Charlie Gordon when he became a genius but still had to "grow up" ...but on a smaller, less extreeme scale. (because I may be smart, but I'm not a genius) ...incase you were wondering, that was a reference to Flowers for Algernon (my favorite book)

...it doesn't help that everyone likes to playfuly tease me about not being in a relationship (my brother is bent on me being a lesbian, and my dad jokes around randomly, like saying your boyfriend/girlfriend called. I've gotten used to that really, and I joke back about it most of the time instead of getting defensive. My mom and stepdad don't kid around with me like that though)
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