Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMoose
Hi Graystreet--
Abusive narcissists love to manipulate and control. The threats are there to frighten you, to disarm you, to control you. But think about it: if legal action against you is bad for you, is it also bad for him: if it all becomes part of the permanent out-there public record, that includes every text and every action and failing on his part which, who knows, may just have crossed some legal line in one state or another, and it doesn't look good for his continued manipulation of other women (maybe they end up testifying...against him). Threats are just threats and if they sound awful, dismal, horrible, ghastly, blood-curdling, and generally bad, they're meant to (oh, and by the way, when I remind my wife of some of the really awful things she said to me--before we separated--she apologizes profusely, which is nice but doesn't erase how tortured I felt listening to the threats in the first place...but I digress...). But they're just threats, they're not action. And the more time goes by and he doesn't file charges, the longer it looks like he's just manipulating you. You "hit" him Sunday. It's Friday. Any legal actions filed? Any police called? No? Police maybe had a snow day Monday/ Tuesday/ Wednesday/ Thursday? Or maybe he's just full of sh-sh-sh-shaving cream. You're best defense is to decide you've already had your last communication with him and ignore him, like, forever.
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Thank you. Yeah, I "hit" him last Friday, actually. He told me on Sunday that he had already filed a report because he said I threatened him. Which is valid; we were having an explosive fight, and he had an amazing power to maintain the image of the calm, rational one while manipulating me into becoming more and more frantic and irrational. I told him I wanted to pack up and go home that night (I wasn't supposed to until Tuesday morning). We were in Knoxville to have drinks, but had been escalating in the car, and I'd chosen to stay in the car to have a minute to myself, and decompress to hopefully de-escalate the situation. He didn't like this at all. When I calmly told him to come back, to take me back to Maryville, that I thought it was best I pack and start driving home, he became snarly and told me I'd sit in the car and wait until he was done having drinks. He wouldn't tell me where he was initially, and then when he did, it was too far for me to walk on my boot (I have a broken foot, and can't walk far on my boot, especially since I'd pushed it wayyyy too much in Gatlinburg the previous day. I was in extreme pain.) I became pretty frantic, it escalated, at that point, I said I wanted to key his car while I was sitting there waiting (I'd never freaking do that; his new car is his pride and joy). So, after he left me in Knoxville (I'd went looking for him), he told me he filed a police report with all the texts and recordings.
I was like yeah...not in Maryville, TN on a Sunday night, you didn't. He never protested.
Previously, he did get a huge reaction out of me when he threatened this. I am a nurse, and I am afraid of any kind of record. I told him Friday that I'd lose my job if he came after me, because I was hysterical and, by that point in the fight, he'd broken me. He told me on Sunday he'd filed, and he didn't care if I lost my job; I deserved it. However, this is a domestic dispute and, if worse came to worse, a misdemeanor. I don't want any kind of record or the drama, and I'm not about to push this. But I'm not going to lose my job or my license if he chooses to come after me, and I realize now that he's effing with my head.