Speaking of, that is another thing which screws with my mind. That he has had the capacity for many long-term relationships. And with smart, strong women. Women he's been in love with, professed love to. He's had far more relationships than I've had.

Like I've said in the above posts, I'm in the phase of processing where I'm fighting self-doubt and self-blame. I mean, I'm not blameless. But it's hard for me to push away the fact that he's had these long term relationships where I've not, that he has a ton of friends and is well liked, where I've only a few, close friends, and that he is well-respected within his community. I think I know, rationally, that's how narcissists work. But it's still hard.

And it's hard for me to push away that he has had these back up women on standby (because there is definitely more than one), where I invested in only him. But I know, that is not a bad thing on my part.