I don't know why I have so much trouble with this. All my other medications I accept that I need them and that I feel much better with them, but when it comes to taking the benzo I just don't want to. However, my anxiety is so extreme these days that it truly feels like torture. They euphoric hypomania seems to have subsided and I feel relatively normal today, but I just had a major anxiety attack, one of the worst I've had in a while. Major fear that I was going to get pulled over and arrested, major fear that I was going to get in an accident, out of body feelings, which led to panic. I barely made it home without breaking down and crying. As soon as I parked the car I took an ativan. and all the rest of my meds that I forgot to take last night and this morning.

I just want to try so hard not to use the benzo and I feel like a failure when I do. Doesn't make any sense since I use all the rest of my meds no problem and don't feel like a failure for those. But the benzo...I just feel like I should be able to handle it on my own.