Hi Ashsforever, I agree with Thunder Bow. From what you write here, you seem quite intelligent. You write quite well too. Perhaps you can seek help with a doctor, psychologist, or even a neurologist. I'm not sure what your symptoms point to. It could be, that you have social anxiety, low self esteem from bullying, and perhaps perceive yourself in a way that is inaccurate. If you're young, perhaps you're just finding your way. Anyway, here's a hug: