I was also diagnosed recently and in mid life. It sucks and seems almost inconcievable but there it is. Looking back, I also have had it my whole life. I had some hypomania as a teenager but had my first major mixed episode in my early 20's. My boyfriend came and rescued me with my mood stabilizer of choice. At the time, I didn't know why I needed it so much. I improved but was still mixed. Irritable, mean. I drove him away and I deeply regret that. I loved him dearly. Years later, I didn't want him back but did want to apologize for my horrible behavior, but he wanted nothing to do with me. Absolutely his right to do so.