Hello Zararose: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry I don't think I have any particularly useful insights into the situation you describe. From what you wrote, it sounds as though your bf simply is not ready to commit to a new relationship nor is he willing to do anything in an effort to change that.

No... I don't believe this is what adult relationships are about. Yes, there is certainly the possibility that, should you let your bf go, you may not find another better relationship. There is certainly that possibility. But I don't know if that makes remaining in this relationship a good idea. Only you know the answer to that question.

Here are links to some articles on the subject of emotional unavailability, from PsychCentral's archives, that may provide some food for thought:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...navailability/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-warn...y-unavailable/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knott...ailable-lover/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/is-you...-or-is-it-you/

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!