Thanks everyone for the kind words and sorry for not responding sooner. I'm trying to hang in there but lately I've been questioning everything I've ever done or said and thinking of all the friends and family that I've lost. Sometimes I think this is my punishment for treating everyone so badly with the years of drinking and by the many suicide attempts that I put the family through. I have been completely sober since 10/2001 and haven't had any attempts to harm myself since 2000. But this loneliness sometimes gets me down to the point that I think it's too hard to continue. I've alienated just about everyone by my attitude and behavior which makes it worse. My parents were both good, happy, loving people that had friends and good jobs. I've been struggling since I was young at trying to fit in. Now I feel that I don't really fit any group and kind of isolate myself most of the time. I'll stop for now as it's getting to the point of rambling. Thanks for reading if you made it through this, lol