I am sorry losing this ex is so heartbreaking. If he does not want to get back together, I don't think you can force it.

Have you been able to talk to a therapist about the rape and it's aftermath? It's not easy to talk about these things but I think it helps in the long run. I also think that when you are able to journal about the incident in a play by play way, it might prove to yourself that you are able to face what happened. It can take time to be able to talk or journal about it but I think this helps us process the event. I am so sorry this happened to you. Part of processing the event is learning not to blame yourself as much. Hugs.