Hello socksbaby. Sorry about losing your ex, it's a very difficult thing to be going through, yes. But regardless of how difficult it is, I think you're on a good path to future happiness as you're confronting the truth and owning your mistakes. It's the best approach and you'll get through this time in your life and come out the other side a changed person - in a good way. We live and we learn socksbaby and trust me, I'm still learning as well, I'm a slow learner.