Quote:
Originally Posted by maybeblue
I think the theory is that depression might sometimes be "anger turned inward." So someone did something bad to you, and the "normal" emotion would be anger toward whoever did the bad thing. But for whatever reason you can't express that anger to that person...like maybe it wouldn't be safe to do so. So instead you turn it around toward you because that emotion has to go somewhere.
I think they are trying to get you to put that emotion where it belongs, toward the abuser. But if the abuser isn't around or it still isn't safe to express that anger toward them, it can stir up a whole bunch of emotions that you *still* don't know what to do with. I think if a therapist does pull up a bunch of that crap, they better be ready and willing to deal with it.
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This is super accurate for me. I think sometimes there was also an impulse to say, "What is wrong with me that they're doing this to me?" Then I set off on a decades-long quest to change myself in ill-defined and impossible ways, so I would be a more deserving and acceptable person. I had plenty of clues about what might be wrong with me based on critical things important people in my life said, but I had no clue what was right about me (a lot, as it turns out). It finally dawned on me recently that the tendency toward self-blame was fruitless anyway because the game is rigged and the people who fundamentally can't accept you
will never accept you, no matter how much you try to change. And that fact makes me pretty angry.