I had one longer term "trauma" (bullying by other kids) in my childhood that went on for several years in different environments. I have always seen it as wrong, back then and also in my entire adulthood, did not need anyone else to point it out to me. I acknowledge that it is a common phenomenon inherent to child behavior, but the fact that young kids do not have developed enough judgement and morality to see it is wrong does not make it appropriate and acceptable. For me, seeing it in this way, knowing clearly it was not my fault or even behavioral error never made a difference in how it has affected me and my self image. I do not believe that these kinds of emotional insults can be set straight with having or developing the right judgment and morals or even anger or self compassion. It still happened and interfered with the wiring of a developing brain. I never thought those experiences were my fault in any way. I think the idea about getting in touch with and expressing the anger associated with old hurts is when someone believed the actual accusations, internalizes them, and feels guilt or shame about them. My first T uses this approach heavily, it is actually in the center of his therapeutic philosophy. Might explain why that modality did not work for me if I don't have the baseline mechanism to work with.

That T tried to convince me, for example, that the addiction problem I developed in my 30s is the fault of my parents and my past. I thought that was BS in my case, my parents were the most sober people I had known in my life and definitely not neglectful or abusive. I may have inherited some latent predisposition from them (there was addiction in my extended family), but how does it help me to be frustrated about my genes?

I did find it helpful to become more aware of my anger in the moment though - about things happening in the here and now everyday, not in the past. It provides a larger palette of feelings and makes experiences more complete and realistic. I also find that anger can be a good antidote to anxiety, can be used quite constructively to assert opinions and convictions, and as a drive to elicit change. It has to be controlled and channeled properly though to have that effect, simply feeling it and discussing with one person does not do much for me - it is how it is used in everyday situation. I also think it only works when it is felt/expressed directly, not in passive aggressive ways.