I'm still feeling low today, but fight in it tooth and nail. After some self hate because I couldn't get myself outta bed this morning and then still didn't, well, somehow I finally did. I'm trying to stay moving...
But I'm still obsessive about checking things online now and that depresses me because nothing changes on those things and then I hate on myself for obsessively doing it even though I know it will just hurt me. I'm already on a FB break. Do I need to completely shut it down?! Sad thing is, when I do that, I'm just reminded how truly alone I really am. At least husband is home now, but I feel like crying or maybe even yelling to wake myself up, but I'm afraid to do it in front of him.
Good thing is, at least he's beginning to see the same patterns I'm seeing and that the meds aren't enough right now. Something needs fixing. Can I be fixed?? I guess the little doubt that I can't is kinda adding to my depression...but I felt better on antidepressants, so maybe there's still hope. Argh! Probably not what husband wants to hear, more meds, but he did say, "if it works" and d amnit, I wanna feel that good again! Just maybe wean off during the month to prevent manic side.
I'm so restless and yet scared too to see the pdoc. Well, I've said this already.