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Originally Posted by wolfgaze
When you said 'how long does it take'... That's such an open-ended question because everyone is rather unique in how they operate and process things. So it's kind of like asking someone 'How long does it take to learn the guitar', when in reality some people will learn and pick it up much quicker than others.... So understand that it's not practical for anyone to really give you any sort of time frame...
I can share with you that there was a 5 year period of my life when I experienced significant emotional purges (releases) and profound internal realizations and epiphanies - which combined served to completely transform my inner-life... In hindsight I can tell you that I feel full acceptance for my life experiences - and that all of the prior suffering and hardship feels like it was absolutely worth it. That there was a purpose behind it, and it was leading me somewhere important (internally).
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Oh. I've had a lot of internal realizations, analyzing forever, for years now. But I did not have the emotional purges much before... I mean I guess I did have small bits of that but only infrequently. I actually made that process speed up... too successful in speeding it up, though.
(I didn't even know that this was going to be the result of the internal change I was doing.)
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Tevelygo, I can't tell you how long your own healing and transformation will take to play out - but I can tell you to keep going because I have seen (experienced) what's waiting for you on the otherside of the suffering/pain/hurting - and it's beautiful. You were meant to work your way through this... And by the way, it's completely natural to not know where things are leading and what the outcome will be. You're sort of blindly navigating your way through the dark and faithful that you will eventually find the light... It will happen - you just have to stay focused and maintain the intention and willpower to push forward....
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Thanks, these are nice words...
BTW I did have some realization today: that I don't need people that much, that I don't have to force anything about that, about relationships, I can just go back to how I was before when I was still clear on what I actually needed and what I did not need. After deciding this, I felt like I found a bit more equilibrium and capacity to enjoy things on my own. I do still have leftover anger/bitterness/disillusionment about people, sure.
So anyway, I don't know if this kind of realization is in the right direction but I liked a lot of its effects. I didn't like the extra anger that also resulted, but I guess it's better than pain.