All the time. I mean, any time I'm neutral to depressed. My hypomania tends to be mixed and I have no doubt I'm ill then. I internalize far too well and have been able to hide this from family and friends for years. I had no idea why other people seemed to have an easier time. I thought I must be weak.

It took getting professional help to learn that other people don't generally have these racing, intrusive thoughts and feelings and wild mood swings.

Whenever I'm feeling good and a friend asks me if I can get off meds when I'm stabilized, for a split second I think, sure of course I can before the rest of my mind starts yelling "are you f*****ing crazy???" Well, of course I am!

I'm afraid of this feeling that I might be making it all up because I'm afraid at some point I won't take it seriously and that's when I'll go down the rabbit hole again.