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Originally Posted by Silver Ninja
I have a (step) grand-daughter who is 8 years old & is still wetting herself. She has been suffering from UTIs, legs that are rashed & rubbed raw. All other tissue in that area raw & bloody because of the urine staying on the skin. She now wears adult diapers because nothing seems to help.
She has been to doctors, have had tests run, be on a special diet, can't eat or drink after 5pm (she goes to bed at 9pm). The the last thing that is being considered is a special medication to stop it.
She was potty trained but it started when she went to school. When asked: she says "I don't know why, I just don't feel like getting up & going to the bath room." She's really bad about not wanting to raise her hand at school, to go to the bathroom, she just goes & sits in her wet panties until she gets home. She also embarrassed & doesn't like to tell anyone; in school & out. She isn't allowed to have a purse so she can't change & I have no idea how the school handles the problem. I also understand that a lot of kids, both boys & girls, in her class do the same thing.
I found out that she has to ask her mother or her dad for a new diaper & it embarrasses her so she doesn't say anything. I think that she is old enough to get them herself & not have to ask (announce) when it happens.
She has been punished (I have no idea how), enticed, etc., & nothing works.
Growing up, her family has moved around a lot, because of her dad's job. Several times, they have lived with relatives because he was going to stay in the area for a short time. (A teacher told her that she was "homeless" because she lived with relatives!)
She has two sisters, one 1-1/2 years old & the other is 6 months. When the youngest was born, she is ignored & has to take care of her sisters; when she isn't in school.
Recently, her father (who she adores) has been working longer hours & she doesn't see him as much as she would like.
Before the youngest was born, she came to visit with her mom. Her mom was always telling her what to do, to the point that my husband had to step in & make her stop! Her mother bathed her, brushed her hair; which was an event, her mother claimed she was a "pre-madonna" & didn't like her hair touched. Found out that her mom had the wrong brush & pulled her hair when she brushed it! I used the right brush & spent 30 minutes to brush out the tangles. They also spent an hour in a very heated argument about wearing the diapers. (She is also very outspoken!)
I want her to come visit this summer. I know this may sound terrible but I'm concerned (& feel guilty) that because I live in an apartment & the is carpet ruined, the very well behaved dog will be blamed, & I will have to pay a hefty deposit to replace the carpet.
Unfortunately, I've only paper trained puppies & would want to do the same but I'm afraid it would be considered child abuse. (All you do is have a special spot, with paper, & when you catch the puppy in the act, you place the puppy on the paper & praise them. = Catch her in the act, take her to the bathroom & praise her.)
My thought is that she may have a neurological condition that doesn't allow the bladder tell the brain that it is full.
I'm very concerned about the mental & physical scarring that is taking place but I'm not sure what to do.
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since you are not the childs parent and do not have custody of the child you will not be able to take the child to get any form of testing.
paper training an 8 yr old child abuse yes here in american treating a child like a dog or pet, paper training or making them sleep on paper instead of a bed because of bed wetting is considered abuse.
I also have young relatives that are bed wetters. they have been tested and nothing came of it. some children just dont have the right nerve / body growth that enables them to always know when they have to use the bathroom when asleep and sometimes when awake.
the relatives parents were told to keep documentations like how many pull ups / diapers the child goes through, the childs daily routines and also things like stressors.
this child is also required to ask not get the pull ups on their own. this is a two fold reason... the first and most important it's training the child to notice on their own when their body needs the bathroom. kind of like potty training all over again when potty training a 2 yr old you catch the child right after they have gone and point it out that they have gone and then lets go use the bathroom and clean up and change pants. older children you do it the same way, the child first has to learn that they have wet their pants and needs a change, then they learn to catch their self before they go. just the normal way of potty training process.
the second part of the process.... if the child gets the pull ups on their own the parents have no way to tell the doctor how many pull ups the child goes through on a daily basis.... think of it this way when you go to the doctors what do thay want to know.... whether you have had a normal bp or urine problens then have you supply the sample in a cup. well they cant always get a sample on demand from a child and a child cant keep track of how many times they have wet their self per day, per week. per what have you... so a parent keeps track of how many pull ups are being used. unless of course the child is young enough for the parent to follow them into the bathroom and watch them go. which is not what 8-10 yrolds want. imagine being thatchild and having mommy and daddy interupting your time with friends and family and fun by saying honey time to go potty, lets go potty now,... my point its actually less embarrassing to an 8-10 yr old to say I need a new pull up, or I need a new under garment please. some parents like my relatives do, where they have a code word so their children dont have to say pull up.
my point maybe this parent you are talking about is doing the potty training the same way that my relatives have been told by the doctor how to do it with their child.
heres a suggestion that i use with bed wetting relatives.... an air mattress. its water proof and perfectly acceptable sleeping on them for adults and children. you get them in camping supplies. they come in all sizes. and a nice supply of sheets and blankets in the themes that the children enjoy.
when this child comes to spend the night they help me blow up their air mattress and then make it up with the sheets and blankets and I leave a stack near by so that if they wake in the night they can either come get me or help their self. I also give them the walk through of the bathroom so that if they decide they want a "fresh start" they can bath or shower before going back to bed on the clean sheets and blankets.