Sister, very good questions. Very thought-provoking. I look forward to reading what everyone has to say.

Does your T have a treatment plan that he shares with you?
Not really. Nothing in writing.

Have you had input into this plan?
There is no plan, however, on my very first visit to T, he asked why I was there, so yes, he did seek my input right up front. He suggested that my self-reported "stuckness" was due to past trauma and he invited me to do EMDR to help with this. Since I had never heard of EMDR, I couldn't have known to suggest it. I trusted him on this, did EMDR for some sessions, and we worked to get some of this trauma healed. With that behind us, we turned toward the reason I had come to see him and could work on that more profitably using conventional talk therapy. He also helped cure me of the last remnants of my depression. We never discussed that he should do this or what approach he should take. He just did it, and I was very happy he did! I let him take the lead on therapeutic techniques he uses with me. I never do anything I am uncomfortable with. He is a sensitive guy and he can see for himself when a technique he tries with me is not working, so then he drops that approach. I am not a therapist, so I cannot know what to suggest to him to try. Does that make sense? I can just learn from experience (with my former T and him) what does and does not work for me.

What freaked me out a little bit was the "plan" my T shared for me about working with the family in therapy. After the first time he met with the whole family (me, H, kids), he then told me his "plan" and I wished I didn't know. Squikked me out a bit. There have been no more steps forward with that, but it lurks in the future and fills me with a sense of doom, forboding, etc.

Does the plan include goals with specific timetables?
He asked my goals the first day of therapy. He has told me he does not do longterm therapy, which he defines as over 3 years, so this is always in the back of my mind as a "timetable" of sorts.

Were the goals made by you or T or both?
My T operates on the client-centered model so would always seek the client's input on goals. I had what I wanted to work on when I first met him. But my goals morph, and he is suitably flexible. I think, after some months, once we got decided on the divorce, T swung into his divorce advisor mode and has clear ideas of how I should accomplish X, Y, and Z, and how to help me do that. He's done it with so many couples, that I want to make use of his experience. An important piece he wanted to do, almost from day 1, and that I was strongly resistant to for eons, was to get my H into his office for couples therapy. I finally agreed to this, and it was so helpful in moving us forward. So this is just one example of "T knows best," and I appreciate his patience while waiting for me to be amenable to his unspoken "plan." It was illuminating to me one time when I was meeting with T and my lawyer together, that T said something like "we got you separated" and I realized he took some ownership of the milestones I had accomplished. And here I thought I had accomplished these things! It made me smile; I am happy to allow him that ownership. My fear now is he only wants to work on divorce-related goals. I have a hard time getting him to talk about anything else. I worry that once the divorce is done, he will drop me. Mission accomplished, bye.

What is the plan if you don't achieve those goals?
It is my belief it is up to the client to continually evaluate the efficacy of therapy, speak to the T if things are not moving along as she desires, and to seek another T if she has gotten all the help she can from this particular therapist. There is no shame in exhausting the skill set of a particular therapist and needing something else from someone with different skills. Our needs grow and change. It is OK to outgrow your T. I believe the T should also do a similar evaluation and if things are not working, share with the client advice on trying a new approach or a new provider. The hard thing is, if you need another therapist with different skills, but you have a very strong bond with the current therapist. I think it would be hard to let go of that relationship to seek what one needs with another provider.