Wolfgaze: I read this other post of yours now here... Where you say: "Something which wasn't fully processed and released". What is PROCESSING? I'd like to know what things/steps it consists of.

Then you say: "Something which is still being stored inside you. It's quite common and natural for children to suppress and even repress difficult and challenging emotions that are experienced during their youth only to have that same emotional energy resurface later in life"

I feel like I am trying to get out of the distracted mode blocking out a big part of the world/life/people that I got "installed" when I was 18 so yeah I guess I was in my "youth" then. I did not have anything as significant as that before that, I was able to react emotionally before that, and couldn't when I was 18.

Then you say: "You said you keep thinking about it every moment and it's driving you mad. WRITE OUT everything that's on your mind concerning these circumstances."

My problem is by default I can't write it out because I'm not even able to see what makes me feel so negative. I just do not feel the direct connection to any cause. And I'm tired of guesswork. OK well recently I did manage to get a glimpse of a direct connection feeling that the problem is as at age 18, that I'm not ok with certain people stuff + romantic relationships. Still it is incredibly difficult for me to put this into words that directly get at the matter. I'm told when I write like this, I sound like heavily intellectualizing and that's probably true. So yeah it's difficult to find the direct words for the problems.

Oh well I tried now as I am writing here to you - and I just got very angry I guess. So I guess I did right now find a real felt connection to the issues but...

So really my options are, feel emotional pain or feel anger, well the latter is a bit easier to tolerate, but is it that much better an option?

"It's very cathartic. No one has to read it but your eyes only. You don't even have to save what you write - it's the writing process that facilitates healthy processing of thoughts/emotions that are afflicting us. You have to get it 'out there' and off your chest."

The thing is if I focus on the issues directly, after having been able to define it to see it clearly enough, I just get angry, like I said, and that anger doesn't dissolve just by writing/talking about it because it instead compels me to action. Violent action of course (e.g. to punish an offender)... So is that really an option?? That's the only thing that would at least temporarily dissolve the anger.

I read I can also try accepting that yeah, I'm feeling angry, blah blah, but if I do that, the problems still remain. Anger itself is directed at taking direct action to solve the problem but I doubt this kind of problem gets solved by anger, actually. So what else is an option that actually works? Nothing?

You say: "The distraction strategy won't work and will only be delaying the inevitable."

Yeah I guess I agree with this in terms of how it means you miss out on some part of the world/life and miss out on solving issues too.

"Just write everything down with no filtering or censoring on your part. Read over what you write - it will help you reflect upon and be more aware of what's unfolding. You said you don't know what you're supposed to do to 'get rid of it'.... You are going to steer/guide yourself towards an internal 'place' (state) whereby you will finally allow yourself to consciously acknowledge and experience (process) whatever it is that you've been holding onto inside of you. A very significant emotional release (purging) will transpire, and once that happens, you are going to feel like a serious weight was lifted off your shoulders - and you will lighter. It's all going to be worth it... Keep going!"

This sounds all very good but I've been this going on for half a year and it's not getting better. ??????

Yesterday's realization bit no longer has an effect. I'm back to the bad ****. It's like that with all these realizations... None of them work for long.

So what would count as ACTUAL processing, because I guess whatever I'm doing isn't processing properly??