So yeah. Someone please talk to me and help me see a bit more clearly as to what the hell is even going on and what I can expect about getting somewhere from all this, what kind of general guideline to focus on.

I mean I have tried the following:

- trying to identify and process feelings and analyze them and their causes ---> didn't lead anywhere
- journaling as part of that (I have hundreds of pages of it by now) ---> I did successfully build up a narrative for some stuff but I can't do anything with that!
- therapy with various psychologists ---> got nowhere, either didn't get to establish communication well, or it felt like being in a rabbithole with too much intellectual analysis leading nowhere, or torture without seeing any clearer, again leading nowhere
- trying to work on relationships in general, including trying to take care of other people's feelings, help my friends in their life with practical and other matters (ok this part comes naturally to me but I got extremely extra-focused on it), and trying to conform to all expectations when negatively judged by others ---> stress got impossible to tolerate after a while and it was not appreciated by them
- trying to dismiss the negative feelings ---> they keep coming back (for certain feelings I can find the strength to not get into it but emotional pain and anger are two emotions that keep returning! especially the pain)
- trying to return to work instead of dwelling in the negatives ---> I'm finding the stress impossible to handle too often
- trying to set real life goals to focus on to do the work for that ---> that was very motivating actually but soon same stress issue
- trying to let go of all distraction strategies (and force-feed motivation to myself to do things despite strong pain coming up as a response to that) to work on issues and just do life and work in general ---> after a while it's impossible to tolerate the stress
- medications ---> none worked or not for long

What else can I do?