Quote:
Originally Posted by tevelygo
So yeah. Someone please talk to me and help me see a bit more clearly as to what the hell is even going on and what I can expect about getting somewhere from all this, what kind of general guideline to focus on.
I mean I have tried the following:
- trying to identify and process feelings and analyze them and their causes ---> didn't lead anywhere
- journaling as part of that (I have hundreds of pages of it by now) ---> I did successfully build up a narrative for some stuff but I can't do anything with that!
- therapy with various psychologists ---> got nowhere, either didn't get to establish communication well, or it felt like being in a rabbithole with too much intellectual analysis leading nowhere, or torture without seeing any clearer, again leading nowhere
- trying to work on relationships in general, including trying to take care of other people's feelings, help my friends in their life with practical and other matters (ok this part comes naturally to me but I got extremely extra-focused on it), and trying to conform to all expectations when negatively judged by others ---> stress got impossible to tolerate after a while and it was not appreciated by them
- trying to dismiss the negative feelings ---> they keep coming back (for certain feelings I can find the strength to not get into it but emotional pain and anger are two emotions that keep returning! especially the pain)
- trying to return to work instead of dwelling in the negatives ---> I'm finding the stress impossible to handle too often
- trying to set real life goals to focus on to do the work for that ---> that was very motivating actually but soon same stress issue
- trying to let go of all distraction strategies (and force-feed motivation to myself to do things despite strong pain coming up as a response to that) to work on issues and just do life and work in general ---> after a while it's impossible to tolerate the stress
- medications ---> none worked or not for long
What else can I do?
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Hi
From your description of your actions it made me wonder what personality enneagram type you are. Do you know? I suspect you may be a “2” which is a giver or helper. I am as well. I have found some of the exact problems from life because of this.
Here’s a brief description:
Enneagram Twos have a motivational need to be liked and appreciated. Twos value relationships and as a result kindness, generosity and self-sacrifice are important to them. Twos strive to make the world a more loving place, primarily by offering support and attention to those they care about. At their best, Twos are unconditionally supportive, able to practise self-care and offer the gift of humility to themselves and the world around them. Less-healthy Twos may seem flattering and manipulative as they ‘give to get’, motivated by a deep belief that they don’t deserve to be loved for who they are.
Typical Thinking Patterns:
As Twos are very thoughtful and considerate, they are finely attuned to the needs of others, including those needs others are not even aware of themselves. Since Twos spend a lot of mental energy on connecting to the needs of others, their thoughts are likely to be filled with other people and their needs, futures or desires, while rarely centering on the Two’s own needs, future and desires. The Enneagram Two enjoys being valuable and important to people or groups and feeling indispensable connects them to a sense of pride and self-worth. This pride may be expressed as an inflated self-importance in being needed and of service to others, which may impact on interpersonal dynamics. Because Twos are very attuned to and aware of the social relationships of the people around them, they may needlessly worry about the people in their significant relationships.
Blind Spots
Twos may not be aware of the subconscious or hidden intention behind their generosity, caring and supportive activities. Being helpful may mask deeper motivations.
Twos may pay attention to people and then disengage quite quickly once they lose interest in them.
Their attention may become confused when Twos are trying to be helpful to more than one person with different needs.
The Two’s focus on others may cause them not to be consistently tuned into their own needs and desires.
Personally, I always have to work on not hyper-focusing in my friendships and “how they are doing” and instead just letting the friendship flow. It’s a struggle everyday but I consistently try to do this. I also get paranoid when friends seem to “cool off” towards me and that can make me act out in a way that makes me seem needy. I am working on this, and allowing myself to self sooth. Putting less thoughts into others (I know - difficult) and trying to direct my thoughts to my own life and my own hobbies etc. This sounds easy to others. But for 2’s, they focus so much on others that it’s difficult to focus on themselves instead.
Anyways, not sure if any of this sounds familiar to you, but I find that knowing my enneagram type (and my blind spots) helps me to accept myself as someone who is deserving of love, and also helps me to work on myself to achieve total personal health. [emoji169]