@mote.of.soul
I moved my reply to you from
this thread here because it belongs here more.
EDIT: I realize it's full of negativity (of pain), please only read on if you are prepared for that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mote.of.soul
@tevelygo:
Hi,
I absolutely relate to what you're saying, tevelygo. I'm basically in the exact same boat as you. Sure, I've learned a few things over the years, things important to me, but on the whole my life itself has improved very little. And in some ways I've gone backwards.
But for me, I guess if I have a problem, be it a mental or emotional type of problem, then I'm going to need to analyse it if I'm to have any hope of overcoming it. But where has it all gotten me? = isolated from the community!! lol But half of that is through necessity as I'm like you, I struggle with people, unless I can build a proper trust with them.
I don't know either tevelygo. Just keep pluggin' away, looking toward the good and trying to evolve. That's probably my whole approach now. But it's a challenge, yes.
|
Yeah it gave me hope too... the thing is I figured out that it doesn't get me anywhere. Well I sometimes still believe it can get me somewhere. If I had lost all hope I'd have committed suicide already. It's tempting tbh. It's so easy, you just make the decision for real and then just do it and it's all sorted... I mean, the part with getting to make the decision for real with having fully considered how there really is no avenue to anywhere better is what I haven't done for now, though I've been in that state recently, but then I got lucky and got one good thing happen to me. That good thing was managing to set some goal to have motivation for (I did need someone else do something there to be able to set this goal, long story, they refused at first and that's when I did decide to commit suicide until it turned out they were willing to help after all), but that kind of started drowning in all the pain too. I just have not yet got back to evaluating my entire situation as having all exits out of it blocked, yet, right now I kind of have one avenue left open with trying to talk to my one last friend now. If that doesn't turn out well... idk.
I'm not sure how you are able to keep plugging away?? I too often see NO way forward. It's like... A very narrow path, on one side a deep abyss (mental issues, or just extremely bad distraction/disconnect blocking out of the world, doing nothing to move forward or live really), on the other side untolerable never-ending quagmire emotional pain where you just about don't drown or maybe you do drown if you get to deep in there. The very narrow path, idk, I sometimes manage to find it but yeah, at one point it might just stop and then suicide.
My people issues aren't simply about lack of trust... it's more like I just don't know how close relationships (friendships... romantic is even worse) work with girls... and I can no longer handle it when they do sh_it. It's a long story. Basically one day I just started to want to have good active close relationships (friendship, romantic), I was decently fine without too much of a need for that before. And I also had emotional dysregulation start at the same time. And it all just doesn't work. After 6.5 years at this I really am nearly done in... And I can't restore my earlier state where I was more oblivious of people stuff and not needing/wanting much. Well I would be aware of wanting a romantic relationship at least but I would easily defer it to the future. So it was ok... no longer ok. If I could at least restore my earlier attitude, I'd be a bit better, though sure I was not fully functional in that earlier state, but I was partially quite functional.