This:

"My people issues aren't simply about lack of trust... it's more like I just don't know how close relationships (friendships... romantic is even worse) work with girls... and I can no longer handle it when they do sh_it. It's a long story. Basically one day I just started to want to have good active close relationships (friendship, romantic), I was decently fine without too much of a need for that before. And I also had emotional dysregulation start at the same time. And it all just doesn't work. After 6.5 years at this I really am nearly done in... And I can't restore my earlier state where I was more oblivious of people stuff and not needing/wanting much. Well I would be aware of wanting a romantic relationship at least but I would easily defer it to the future. So it was ok... no longer ok. If I could at least restore my earlier attitude, I'd be a bit better, though sure I was not fully functional in that earlier state, but I was partially quite functional."