It happens every spring: the cherry blossoms come out, and I want to mess with my meds.

This year, for some reason, I've been unable to resist temptation. I've cut back on the Lamictal and the Geodon. I want to be able to feel somethin and be something other than boring. The thing is, am I hypomanic because I'm experimenting with the meds, or am I experiementing with the meds because I'm hypomanic? I don't really FEEL hypo. I don't have anyone to talk to during the day because my son and son-in-law are at work, and even when they're home I don't think I talk any more or any faster when I do talk. I feel a little speeded-up but I'm not really bouncing off the walls---the brain says GO while the body says NO, I'm happy tapping away on the laptop. I want to get out in the garden and dig in the dirt. I want to want to exercise. LOL.

I haven't stopped taking the nighttime meds as prescribed, I know I need to sleep. I've just cut back on the daytime ones because I want to feel something besides boring. I know my family thinks I'm boring. I want to be more exciting and someone they'll want to talk to. I want to feel like doing physical things instead of being a sofa spud like I am. Who knows, my SSDI is being reviewed and they may cut me off and what if I need to find a job?? I need energy to do that and I just feel that maybe I'm overmedicated. I've been very stable for the past couple of years but maybe the meds are too much now because I've lost so much weight. I don't know. I haven't told anyone what I'm doing, I'm only telling y'all because I know I can count on you to be non-judgmental. I forgot my nighttime meds a couple of times in the past couple of weeks and made the mistake of sharing that on my blog, and people just tore me a new one. It's OK if you disagree with what I'm doing, and I don't know if I'll keep doing it because I may actually get hypomanic. Or, maybe this is just hypomania lying to me. Or maybe I'm just a wuss who's afraid to try going off meds altogether, which I won't do, I promise. I know I'm rambling but you get it. Thanks.