I see you're making the same excuses over and over again here: "my situation is too extreme", "I'm unfixable", etc. There is also a huge amount of negative and self defeating behavior going on as well. I highly suggest looking into CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for this. Its a form of therapy that works by helping you recognize the negative, self defeating thoughts and inatead, thinking of positive and constructive ways to help you through difficult situations. You'd be suprised how well this works.