I agree with a lot of what Artchic says here. I was refraining from commenting because I didn't want you to see this as an attack, but I do see a lot of dismissing of possible solutions. It feels like, to me, that you may approach each possible treatment like it will fail anyways. That's the impression I'm getting. It could be wrong.

So the question is, can you approach treatments more optimistically and really try to make it work, versus assuming it won't? (Again this is just the impression I get, could be wrong.)

CBT, I think, would be a good start for you. It seem like you have a lot of ANTs - automatic negative thoughts. Thoughts that pervade your mind without you even realizing it that sabotage your ability to progress.

I know you want to see change right away, but progress on this is slow. Think of your whole life and how many years it took you to get this way...it could be the same number of years to change it all. I know that sounds bleak, but the point is progress. There is no end-game. The only end game for all of us is death, so all we can really do is continue to improve.

If this doesn't resonate with you or isn't accurate, please just disregard, it's just what I've been interpreting from your thread.

Good luck,
Seesaw