Thanks for the input but yeah this impression is wrong.

I AM in a negative state now, yes, it does not mean that I approached every treatment in a pessimistic way. No. I approached all of it positively. My resources are just exhausted so yes I am far more negative now than ever before, but please don't assume that I was the same in the past. I was not. I hope this clarifies.

I really tried to make all of them work. Like I said in an earlier post here, the last therapy I've tried / been trying is called interpersonal theory. The problem is apparently that it's based on certain existing people-related/emotional skills. That might be why it's been pure torture and not getting me anywhere.

Like I said, I've done CBT before.

The problem is, CBT can only change how you think. Sometimes it's the situation that also needs changed. And in this case this part depends on other people, not me.

I read that one important thing in depression is to get social support. That is what I am failing to get in real life... instead I met with really cruel reactions when I trusted some of my friends and asked for help before. (They are no longer my friends.)

Because of that, I didn't dare to ask the person who I'd like to call my best friend. I asked her today. If she behaves in the same way I am done.

Okay, but my problem is that my resources are exhausted. I simply do not know how to go on. It's what it is.

So now I'm just blindly trying to do whatever things, it might make all of it worse, sure, I don't know.

I have been able to get out of the true suicidal mindset recently but I don't know if next time I will be able to.

Don't worry.