<center>{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}</center>

You are not interrupting the conversation. Didn't you say the "What is love?" post opened a "big ugly" for you, too? Perhaps the three of us can help each other on this road to recovery. Of course, you're free to partake in any way you choose.

Yes, "somewhere's" caring has struck me, too. When I first came to this board and read some of his posts, I immediately felt respect for him. (Somewhere, are you reading? ) We won't go into the dynamics for now, but no doubt, it will become obvious in time.

Your quote: "She died not knowing me." and "It wasn't your choice that she didn't know you." Maybe this is the crux of the matter. This is what causes me the greatest pain. The lack of validation from the one person that was meant to give it, the one validation not received that has affect every aspect of my life. It's been impossible for me to phathom the depth and width of that lack. I know what I'm supposed to do, I know how I'm supposed to do it, but I'm terrified to come face to face with that dragon.

{{{{{Heidu}}}}} if there is anyway for you to face your dragon before it's too late, before you can no longer speak to your mother, do it. Do it soon. It's much easier while they are still alive. At least you know you gave it a good effort. I have no one I can confront and say "Look at me! Look at my accomplishments! They are ME, they are MINE! At least have the faith in yourself to see that I did learn what you tried to teach me!"

Well... it seems I've taken a longer look at my dragon than I have before. I owe it to you "Somewhere" and to you Heidu. (gentle smile)

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>