damajdancer,

I am sorry for what you went through and for these insensitive people who drew out so much of your pain.

One thing struck me in particular about what you wrote. I can relate to your feelings about the "first time". It's like we live forever knowing that the "first time" was not about love, as it should be. I stuggled with that for a long time. I guess, for me, I had to change how I looked at it. It wasn't really my "first time" after all. What was done to me was about violence. My real "first time" was the time it was about love, a time I picked, a time I experienced, a time my will was not taken from me.

It's a bit more liberating to see it this way, to redefine my life in a way that matches the truth as I see it.

Hope these perspectives help.

be well,

mtd