I have two T's, my regular T which I have been working with for 2 years, and my trauma t which I have been working with for about 2 months, she goes slow, but it doesn't matter, trauma work is hard and brings up way to much right now for me. I told her this and my T also, but they are both in agreement that my past is also running my present, which I don't disagree with, because I cannot stand up to my h he verbally and emotionally abuses me and I know it is wrong and I still let him!!!!! But everytime I have my truama session for days afterwards, the pain is unberarable and I fight off the self harm thoughts. So I need to slow down or stop or something.....I don't even know,

I can't move out myself, I only work part time and don't have the money to get a place, and if I leave without the kids I damage my ability to get shared custody, it looks like abandonment, if I go into the hospital he will use that against me, and my lawyer said that he would use that 100% to show I am unfit. My T did say he would testify or see my lawyer or anything that needs to be done, to let them know what my h has been doing over the past few years including his affair.

Staying means dealing with him, he won't leave, he was going to, then changed his mind and told me if I wanted the seperation then I should be the one to leave, and the kids are not going!! I have never told him he wouldn't get joint custody of the kids, ever, he knows that I wouldn't use the kids as a tool to battle with.

I cannot stay in the same place as him, he is taking everything and twisiting it, I feel like I don't even know how to think for myself anymore, everytime I come up with a solution or a decision he askes me who I have been talking to, because I couldn't of made that decision on my own. then I think he is right that my depression is clouding my judgement, and I believe him.

I need my regular T, I need him to stabalize me through this, I just need the pain to go away!!