Have you told someone about these urges? I recommend telling a close family member and/or medical professional (do you have a primary care doctor that you see on a regular basis?) about your feelings. If it is all you ever think about, you need to figure out what is causing the problem. I am not an expert but some people find medications helpful while others have a "root problem" that is triggering the behavior. For me, suicidal thoughts were like a distraction. It was easier to fantasize about fantastical ways to end my life rather than think about what was really bothering me. I ended up finally admitting that I was suicidal and then was put on medication but I wonder if it would have been better to talk about the problem (to a friend like my sister or therapist) prior to starting medication. The medication did help but perhaps just facing what was bothering me would have been enough. I am not sure.

What I am sure about is that it would be helpful for you to ask someone for help. These thoughts can be really serious. Be careful!!